Today I wanted to write about a topic dear to my heart, family pets. The connection we develop with our family pets is truly a special bond. Pets become a member of the family, often forming unique relationships with each individual family member. There is a saying I once read, “To the world you may be one person but to your dog (you can substitute your furry friend-cat, horse, hamster…) you are the world.”
The sweet behaviors, games, toys, and rituals we develop with our family pet are beautiful things. They give a quiet house an energy that is indescribable. Coming home feels extra special when you are greeted by a faithful friend. But what happens when the time comes to say good-bye to our family pet.
Many people, including children find this a lonely, complicated journey of grief. Often times feeling nervous or embarrassed and uncomfortable with how real their grief experience is for them. Family life, routines, rituals are all disrupted when our family pet dies. At times innocent comments meant to reassure and comfort often add salt to our wound. Comments such as “it was just a dog/cat/horse” or “you can get another one”, are hurtful and make grief a more complicated journey.
If your family has experienced the death of a family pet please know you are not alone. Find someone that you can talk to and share memories of your beloved pet. It may be helpful for kids to share time together as a family creating art projects and looking through old pictures and videos. This helps children have time to process and remember happy times with their furry best friends.
Talk to your child about ways they would like to remember their pet. Maybe create a memorial garden stone, a scrapbook, or a journal may help provide comfort. Most importantly remind your child that it is okay to feel many different feelings about their pet dying. Reassure them that you are there for them and the whole family will work to find a “new normal” without their pet.
If you feel your child would benefit from having someone to talk with to help process and share their feelings, counseling may be beneficial.
A note from my heart…in May our beloved Golden Retriever died. He would have been 14 years old in October. Our Golden lived an amazing life full of love. Our family is processing the loss of our beloved Golden in different ways. One thing I remind my children about often is that it is okay to feel sad. We talk about funny things our pup would do and how we miss seeing his furry face waiting for us in the window. The most important thing to remember is that the death of a pet affects the whole family and each person has their own grief response.
There’s a saying, “Your pup might only be here for a part of your life but for him, you are his whole life.” Animals provide companionship, comfort, and love. It is okay to miss them.
Sending peace and love to you all!
Be Well, Dr. Hernandez